Working Mommy Blues

This fall, work has been really horrible, and I'm sure the boys can feel my anxiety when I come home.  Perhaps in reaction to that, they have started having a horrible time with separation.  On Monday and Tuesday mornings, before I go in for the late shift, Ben sometimes spends an hour begging me over and over not to go to work.  When I go out the door, I look back in and see Oliver fall miserably to the floor, crying and putting his head down between his legs.  Sometimes I physically pull them both off of me and push them back inside as I go out the door.  I know (and Tim says) they are back to normal a little while later and don't miss me all day, but it is heartbreaking nonetheless.  And my limited time with them isn't always pleasant, I think because they are starved for my attention.  I come home from work and have to get dinner on the table after giving them a little attention, the kitchen floor often becomes a writhing bed of screaming boys because Ben wants 100% of my attention, Oliver wants 100% of my attention, dinner wants 100% of my attention, Tim wants 20% of my attention, the cats want 10% of my attention, work still has 50% of my attention, and everyone gets a lot less than they want and need.  They act completely differently around Tim, and I guess that makes sense.  They are getting enough of him and don't need to fight over him.  I've never truly wanted to be a stay-at-home mom until recently.  I dream of a comforting routine to each day, and better behavior because I can deal consistently with problems and give them the attention needed, and more learning and development (alphabet! potty training!) and more fun and relaxing times.  So now I just need to magically become independently wealthy.  :-(